Two

How long should it take a single person to paint a small room and a short hallway? 

A week, in my case. 

After over seven days of paint-induced headaches and sore muscles, I'm down to the living room and hallway ceilings. The Nightmare stage. Forget the fact that I generally take too much time to finish anything that falls under the category of 'manual labor', having to double coat AND get an even layer when my arms are cramping AND fix messes AND clean after myself after every session is just… eh.

Feeling slightly put on and embarrassed by everyone's impatience with my apparent ineptitude, I decided that I'd finish everything today. I was making good progress until I ran out of ceiling paint, so instead of giving in to my initial urge of leaving it for another day and playing PC games, I actually dragged myself to the hardware store to mix another batch and buy a few brushes. But then the paint mixer told me that the color I needed couldn't be prepared today because one of the ingredients is missing, and that I should come back tomorrow. Fair enough. But as I was leaving (after I'd paid for the other paint color and brushes), I realized that he'd given me a 1 kilo box of the color that I just needed 1 liter of. I blame the paint fumes for my slow observation.

So now I'm stuck with too much dark green and no light green to finish the job. Trying to make the best of the situation, I painted my hallway dark green… out of the old box that still hasn't emptied out.

What am I going to do with all this paint?

It's a Miracle

One

Sometimes I mince words. Sometimes I gloss over details. There's a lot of ugliness in a soul. I don't like feeling judged, I don't do well with confrontation. But sometimes, you just need to air it all out.

I've never been a good friend. I just listen, nod, make the necessary noises, then back into my corner and go on quietly existing. I'm not emotionally invested in anyone, don't have any dreams, don't see any future for myself.

I think I might die young, or die alone.

Where I find myself today scares me. Too passive, too timid, too later. I put effort in all the places that don’t matter and hide from the things that count. I'm not up to the challenge of living like an adult.

I'm tired of feeling like a disappointment. So I'll be honest from now on. But only here.